I have decided that the best way to put my thoughts and experiences out there is to just post tidbits of information as they come to me, without having to worry about editing and making it into a work of art!
One aspect that I struggle with when it comes to actually presenting my work is perfectionism. When I write a piece, whether it is an essay, a journal entry, or prose, I often agonise over the words, turning them over and over in my mind. Changing words over and over so as when I read over them, the sound is exactly right. I need them to be able to convey my intentions perfectly. Unfortunately language often fails in the task of expressing my thoughts, and this frustration I just simply have to live with!
Today I have been struggling with emotional overload. A new person has come into my life and this for me takes a lot to be able to adjust to such an intrusion. This may sound harsh to some, but it simply how life is for me. Issues such as this, that of which I have no control over, but I know hurts and confuses the people around me, causes me added distress because I would rather people were not hurt over my actions. I care about people a lot, however it does not always come across this way. I have been called selfish and uncaring, which I know to be untrue and yet at times I have taken on these labels as an explanation I have not always been able to give!
I have learnt to cope with my emotions in ways that are more constructive. I believe this is a very important thing to teach young people on the Spectrum. It is of no use to tell a person not to be stressed, frustrated or angry. Even God got angry! But what is important is what is done with the emotion.
And here are a few examples of what was generated from my emotions today-
hide me from the sun, it is too cruel, too revealing,
fall leaves fall, surround me in my hiding,
quiet the birds, their chirping increasing,
leading one to find my place of restitute from seething.
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do not disturb my restoration,
lest you perturb my concentration,
and longer must I be in hiding,
to heal the wounds of your misguiding
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these words of mine don't always flow,
so swiftly as of now,
this muse of mine is somewhat fugacious,
fickle minded and tenacious,
for one to hold her, she won't allow.
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At times like this of intense emotion,
this, the only language I can lend
words out of rhyme, rhythm or motion,
are all too harsh to comprehend!
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I could not look after my daughter properly today, because I NEEDED to write. My mother had to take her for awhile so I could do this. If the people around me allow me to do this when I need to, then I am able to function again in a much shorter time then if I had of been forced to just carry on.
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